1. "I'm living out of my car at the moment. No, really. No, I didn't quit medical school."
Want an easy way to save an entire year's rent? Feel like thumbing your nose at your working friends by showing them that you can have fun living the life of a nomad? Pick all away rotations, (95% of) which guarantee housing! Good plan, no? Except that you will be carting around all of your earthly possessions in one vehicle for an entire year, and you better pray that you don't drive through the wrong part of town. While I didn't fall into this situation, I recently ended a four month block of away rotations, so I was very excited to return to my bed and sit on my couch. I even started bringing back my strawnguyland accent while away just to give myself an identity other than "temporary medical student whom you will forget as soon as you hand in my evaluation."
2. Every four weeks, there's a brand-new opportunity for an attending to make you feel like you did nothing over the past two years.
You find out you passed your last shelf exam, you know your preceptor is going to write you a kick-butt evaluation, and you're pumped to start the next block. You introduce yourself to your attending/resident, feeling like you're going to discover the next major medical breakthrough in the next four weeks, and...then s/he pimps you. HARD. Then you go from feeling like you could kick Doogie Howser's behind to being absolutely sure that you are now the hospital laughingstock as "The Dumbest Medical Student Who Ever Lived."
3. Why do these scrubs feel more snug?
Oh, that's right. It's because I've been pulling 12-hour days and have little energy to do much else aside from eating whatever mystery meat dish the cafeteria is selling for dinner. Throw in some pie, too, because
4. "Yes, Dr. Smith, it's so much fun to stand here and feel my spider veins grow by the minute while I watch you write chart notes."
It's awkward, but it happens to everybody. Occupational hazard, but somehow I dislike this more than any awkward bodily fluid ejections I've witnessed.
5. Those kids found Narnia faster than you found your way to the lecture classroom (plus that chick got to meet James McAvoy).
Find the least angry-looking nurse in the vicinity. "Hi, I'm a new medical student, and I'm trying to get to room BGR67384 for grand rounds; how would I get there? Okay, so take these stairs to the fourth floor, then make 5.5 rights and 2.5 lefts, then go right at the fork, followed by straight at the walking traffic circle, then find an elaborately carved wooden door, knock the tune of "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together*," and ask the hospital wizard for the grand rounds password. Then what? Do the Dougie?! That's it, I'm out. I'll just put a tracking device on my attending."
*Side story: I was talking with a teenager about how I can't believe Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Her response: "What's a Kennedy?" Cue my weeping for the future of America.
